I was Present at my Bar Mitzvah Today, a late one, without a great deal of the Schmaltzy liturgies that have overrun the modern things. There was a cake, a happy birthday standard indirectly for someone there who was me by a bunch of old broads one of whom was really pretty and sing along. Nice, but a little offbeat, like a baptism for the dead, something that was ALSO (Thank G_d) done with out me participating when I was still in the womb, about when I transitioned from woman to man, I think. At least that’s the impression I have. My girlfriend at the time couldn’t stop rubbing me so I guess I thought I’d better save her, being a man is good too. I liked it. So immideately after the rite I notice that my spiritual perceptions become less diffuse, more direct. When I walk over to the Restaurant owner to get a cab home I can call the man out for not owning up immideately to his legal requirement to call the cab, things all around are less spooky. And even though he is done at this point I still tell him about Labyrinth, a tool to send your communications down a rabbit’s trail to help his patrons maintain their anonymity but now no matter.

I am sitting outside trying to hail a ride home and I reflect some on a good idea I got at the table over the bisquites and sausage gravy I ate earlier and notice the dignitaries and their security lining up to come parley, some of whom remain ouside. My spiritual accumen is even sharper now and I distinctly pick up on explicit nods for design directions I am to take in an improved air shock in. So now I have formed my present, I wan’t to go home and present it, but instead I have to go back in and sit down at counter and get a Rueben sandwich with fries, the consumption of said Jewish food is beginning to look like a secret gag to me, like the Iriquio, and then my surfacing begins with “we won, today is really beautiful and we won” or something like that. Then the manager comes over and tells me to pay up and leave, and I leave. Just as ordered.

Then I walk over to a nice chinese coffee shop but I am spitting coitus interruptus the whole way and I guess I am frightening to the owner, but he tells me to just take the product anyway. I am calming down now, but a cop arrives and asks me several times to go like a fool back to the restaraunt and I finally have to refuse flat, at which point he tells me he’ll return with company, and he does, but before he does, he reveals to me that he and I are operatives in most secret (more)solarium and that he needs me to assist in killing these NAZI’s, but I am bamflucksing them instead, as he gets when they come back as NAZI assasin (who I am NOT about to allow to do time) and intended target in tow, because I am also darrow, and I know a trick he doesn’t. So we dance like sugarplum fairies cultivated solarium and I, and at the climax she does EXACTLY what she knows SHE MUST NOT DO, she has the cop witness the document himself, and now she is truly doomed by her own uncircumcised hymen and I still have the completely blank document that I will have my attorney fill out HOWEVER and FORCE the cop to sign as witness, all nice and legal, and we will JOINTLY build that luxury vacation compound in accapolco.

The rest of it is anti-climax. The owner is terrified of now Doomed NAZI queen heiress and tells me to leave, and I exit through the employee door. I stroll past NAZI henchmen to my friend Drew’s truck SUV mount up and take the scenic route home. I eat some leftovers, doof around on the computer, and notice that the NAZI queen heiress is here in the form of an Australian brown spider, but my home is overrun with house mice vernim and she won’t last the night. I’ll elucidate on my premice tm